LOVE.

i just wanna be together, forever.

tymes like these.

i wouldnt say im someone that tears easily, at least not when im reading an SMS.
but the one JT send on the 7th made me tear.
iwish he'll know one day that im here for him through thick and thin and we'll go thru it together;
i wanna share all the tough tymes with you baby.

period.

days at work are so unpredictable. sometymes it can be the worst fucking day but at the end of it all youre just real glad you stayed and pulled through it all.
some days you plan to escape, but still you pull through it.
than there are those unpredictable ones that totally screws your day.
sounds so much liek relatioships// there aint any ryte way to handle a situation.
i am honestly for once, really truly tired. tired of trying tired of making myself feel better. tired of looking on the bright side, tired of just acting liek everything is alryte.
whie is being in a relationship so hard this tyme round.?

everything.

im blogging via my iphone and it just really brings back so much memories.
i miss zouk. onepointfive years there really did etched something into my
goldfish-alik brain. hurhur.
guess its just one of those days that u just reminise about the good ol
CAREFREE days.
;was at arena ytd with the mbs ppl! it was such an eyeopener, but sadly
nt in a good way. u noe hw liek u see things and u start reflecting
on ure life and everything? i am overwhelmed and just speechless. but if jt
ever reads this, i wan him to know that hes truly the only one i wanna be on that dancefloor with.
;u noe hw things dun go the way u plan so hard for it sometymes,
but with jt, it just feels so right, even if it aint hw it was supp
to be. i wanna be with u forever.

;1800 arrivals, fucking depressing.

i realised sometymes you just wanna be independent;
sometymes youre just too afraid to give in your best shot simply because ure so afraid of falling if it fails. i am so loosing myself but ive never regretted putting everything on the line.
; i hope one day we will have this new coat of paint that doesnt have any cracks at all.
thing is i tear all the tyme and i hate how weak i am. and i noe you prolly hate it as well. i hate how fragile my heart it.

;waiting for a cab all alone at midnyte feels so fucking lonely and scary for the first tyme.
for the first tyme i felt liek a lost kid and i know i shoundnt be this spoilt.
but i really wished he had offered to be there. but i guess we are 2 realllly different individuals that have totally diffferent ideologies.
but at the end of the day, i just want us to work out because i know i really love you.

relationship and work; i swear for the first tyme in my life i really feel liek im seriously breaking down.
*** but i am awefully thankful that he came to stay the other night, it really truly made my heart smile. and i just knew im nort prepared to give him up ever again.

him.

i feel very hurt sometymes.
;and this hurt in my heart is sth i never really felt before//
you know the kind that makes you tear uncontrollably and nothing just makes it better.
i tink its because i truly love you. liek how i tink you're the one il be there for anytyme.
thing is im nort afraid to love, nort afraid of the hurt.
; just dunwan to be taken for granted, just dunwan all this tears to end with just a fullstop and end of story. cox ive alwaes believed that we are made to be more than that.
is this kharma? liek how it comes back to you on wurt you did to someone else?

you dun liek to talk about how you feel, wurt you tink and you dun liek to be asked too.
i might just be thinking too much sometymes, but i'l never know.
at the end of the day, i just wanna know am i a part of you.

work and MORE work.

work is hectic. its just so crazy;
ive never seen a hotel lobby that has queuessss of people waiting to check-in, and the amount of ppl in the whole hotel just makes the hotel feel liek a shopping mall.
i really miss being in small conventional hotels where you can grab hold of all ure guest, ryte to the very extend of remembering their exact preference. its so nise to see excellent service and happy guest.

im just hanging in there, hoping il be able to make a lil difference to some of the guest experience.
;cant deny im gritting my teeth alr tho.

till than.

happy should never be taken for granted.

sometymes days just past and you think you are doing fine
than again, there are days where you just really need someone to hear you out.
;im just wondering how my life is gonna be liek 2yrs frm now?
and it just dawned on me that i want nothing next to just being plain happy.
as we grow up, there are just soo many crossroads that comes our way, and you're just forced to choose.
and take responsibility for your choice. its so scary. as much as ive gort the bring it on attitude to life, i cant deny, im scared.
i need a guiding light and some one to hear me out.

you've this amazing hold over my heart.
its painful, you and i cant deny.
but im willing to put my heart on the line just one more tyme.

is it really alryte?

i wish we were how we used to be.
it was difficult, but its pure happiness.
i wish i could ask you face to face if youre truly happy without making you agitated or having any wrong ideas. somehow its just different now.
i am just losing so much confidence and i desperately duno wurt to do. the future just seems soo bleak.

;there are days that i just wana get soo drunk so that i can just wail and demand liek how a leetle kid does.
cox theres just soooo much penned up emotions that i need to release.
crying to sleep sometymes actually makes me feel better.

i know this tyme, its not alryte.
but will you stick with me to make it better?

the front office.

today is by far the craziest day ever since i came onboard the marinabaysands family. we were running at a thousand and one percent instead of the normal 90 ++ % that all hotels are handling. its so unbelievable that even with 40 check in counters, we are constantly having long queues at the counter. and wurts worst is that we had no rooms and its kinda sad when the guest walks away dissppointed in you and the hotel. but wells, its the first day that most departments are handling checkouts, so i guess its normal. i just pray that april 27 would be fantastic and that we can show the world wurt we have gort here at marinabaysands.

;well, but conquering this together with my fellow agents and managers did made me feel so relieved that i chose to be part of them. i see sucha strong bond between all of us and indeed, i never really felt any dissappointment in my managers. they lead well, they do.

and im really proud of them for being there for us agents all the tyme. they might nort have been perfect but they neve once gave up trying and helping us.

i tink i was really touched by how some reallyy helped me today. it made me teared silently in my heart cox i was reallyyyy very grateful for all that they've put in for us.

go front office! i see us moving together a longg way.

and of cox, i hope things stays this way.

;and on a personal note, i miss jt.

sometymes i wish we were both just holding office jobs whereby we'll have no trouble having at least dinner together anytyme of the week.

but ohwells, absence makes the heart fonder. i guess?

reality.

we are so close to opening, and i swear im so glad that im nort feeling the least nervous at all.
i cant decipher myself sometymes. whie do i feel so gawd darn nervous when we're in training and yet nort feel anything when we're running live! i am getting the hang of it and im glad i did. i cant wait to make my first special guest touch and i cant wait to feel that motivation that my guest would give me. seriously, i cant wait to feel how i was feeling at the ritz. cox the guest there, they are fantabulous.they make you feel so special deep dwn and that the journey was worth it all.
;and frankly you need all those motivation cox this journey is definately nort one dats smooth sailing. everyone sees only the glamourous side of the job and thinks they've seen the world.


ohwells, sometymes i feel liek a kid. i need someone to still tell me that everythings gonna be alryte, a hug and a peck on the forehead, and i need someone to just ask how my day was and listen  to me. but life and work seem to be so hectic for me and jt. and off days seem to only start in the evening cox both of us dun have similar work hours. i feel so lonely sometymes.
and tymes liek these, im glad ive gort such an awesome family.

work and work and more work.

its so appalling how my life is changing at such an alarming rate; im struggling to keep up with the huge change in my life ryte nw. the pace is simply too fast and sometymes i cant help but feel its suffocating.
still, i noe its part and parcel. i cant be a student relying on my parents allowances forever.
yea, but i cant help but miss it. miss the life where i can have the freedom of choice.
BUT thank gawd ive made frens that i can bear my heart to and know they will be there for me if i were to break down at work.
somehow, the pressure IS there and the amount of responsibility that we shoulder is nt something ive ever handled before.
its not easy trying to psycho ureself to think that everythings gonna be alryte, cox no one noes you better dan you ureself. the convincing part feels liek the deceiving end of it.
still, i hope my passion in this line goes a long way. and i really realllly aspire to be someone as great as mr. LV. (: i will miss the vegas team but im really proud to be marinabaysands. cox i believe in it. (:

"Sometimes you just need someone. Someone to make you smile when you’re sad, to tell you you’re beautiful. Someone to look forward to seeing you everyday Someone to call you every night just to say I love you and mean it"

things you'll prolly never know.

sometymes the stuff i face at work just makes me loose so much confidence.
i am nort sure if i am the charmaine i once knew. i know ive gort soo much passion for this line of work. but  i feel so pressurized everyday, and theres always this certain fear of failure. and its something that goes in a vicious cycle. when i stand up there, i just feel that i cant do it.
i wish i can just share all these and bear my hearts out. but everyone thats close to me is just way too busy and i just feel so insignificant, so useless, so lonely sometymes.
i hope its because im just trying to adapt to this whole new change in my life.
i really miss the old me and i miss how i can always bear my heart to jt. its really so hard to even get 10min out of his work now and he's prolly too tired after work. i am soo breaking apart and i just really do miss my life.

they say success is defined by the ability to move from one failure to the next. i am trying very very hard now.

you.

i am just afraid to love.

mbs

its been 10 days at work. im loving it more and more each day and im really looking forward to the opening. its gonna be the combined hardwork of all departments and all staff, and definately the start of this magnificent journey.
the stress level has no doubt been increasing every single day as more and more information are being desseminated down, and you dun really have a choice but to absorb at ure fastest rate.
still, ive never regreted being part of this organization and im really proud to be part of the pre-opening team.

;im glad i made a couple of frens that i have faith in;at least im preety sure they are not the ones that will eventually walk out of the frenship.
i am adapting to this whole work thing. i mean life now preety much just comprises of work eat sleep and the cycle starts again the next tyme you open ure eyes. i mean the sudden loss of the carefree days is just really something that i needta get used to. dan again, i feel soo much more independant now, altho there will be those days where i just feel so lonely and i just miss jt so much. still, the people i met inside made things so much more at home for me. i guess ultimately im nort alone. at least 50 other people are sharing the same stress, same fear, same plight.
i must thank those that have been supporting me. i guess there are always tymes where im nort really sure if im able make it out of this 6 weeks battle "alive". the intensity that builds up everyday is really nort easy to handle. there are definately tymes where i feel liek breaking down cox the expectations are there and you either make it or yea break it.
but i wanna make it work and i will make it work. (: because being in this business is what ive been working so hard for.

my HUGE team has soo far been a great one to be with and i sure do hope that when operation starts we'll still be this one united family. i tink its all thanks to some of the realllly nise colleagues that ive known that im really hanging on well till now, at least surviving yes?
i so need a listening/ranting ear for now): i guess nort really doing anything important for the past 5mths and jumping right straight into really intensive training everyday for extremely long hours is totally mind wreaking.
i have really leetle tyme for myself and i dun even have much tyme on the phone with jt, nevermind the meeting part. 
again, as much as i love this oppurtunity that has been given to me, and all that ive learnt so far, i eally do feel lonely at tymes cox i dun have the tyme to meet much people and most of the tyme im just alone grabbing dinner or just going home. liek i just kinda miss my life): its nowonder whie soo many working people say students are the best.
i tink today is just one of those days im feeling kinda emo, im so weak sometymes i just so feel liek tearing now.
but i noe i have to grit my teeth and hang in there. i noe i can do it. just yea, one of those days. 

i am so tired from just T H R E E days of work.
never thought i wld say this, but im actually missing my days in school.
i am indeed excited and hyped up about the opening;
nonetheless, i cant help but feel so suffocated having suchan immense amount of information to take in everyday. its liek you cant stop to breath but you gortta keep runningg.


jiayoujiayoujiayouuuuuu. and i miss jt.

deep.

because you believe in me, you made me instill so much more confidence in myself.
and yes, i guess i finally believe im not alone and im gonna learn to brave my new life and embrace the future, for better or for worst.
thank you.

in big organizations, do you ever make true frens? will i ever understand trust in its purest form?
as much as stepping out of this comfort zone, making my first dollar, going into the industry, climbing the corporate ladder,
the fear of the whole internship episodes still hauts me. i guess i am scared after all.
its alwaes glamourous on the outside, but well, it just means that the facade was very well created isnt it?
i hope i am just too critical, because for this once, i actally hope that im wrong.

goodbye zouk, it was a good one.

contentment alone is the best way to happiness.
i tink this is so true, and i really wanna live by this, at least i wanna work towards this (:

 it was officially my last day at zouk, and it striked me that this job has been the longest part tyme job ive ever held in all my 22years. one year and two months is definately no joke. than again, of course there must be many reasons whie ive stayed on for so long. i would say this journey is filled with emotions of many kinds. the kind that would make you soo pissed that you feel liek tearing and those heart warming moments that make you feel that everything is just worth it. in these 14months, ive made frens that i know would be there for me anytyme and have also seen the kinds that make you wonder wurt goes on in their mind. i wouldnt say its malfunctioned., but seriously, they make me doubt their capability to think logically. zouk has definately given me a slight impression of how the working world out there would be liek, these 14mths made me see how the management can be sooo important in running an organization, how staff morale can be sucha determining factor in keeping ure employees and how teamwork and strong bonds is of great essence to the running of it all as a whole. than of cox, zouk has never been sth that i would regret, and jt would definately be one of the biggest reason. this has never been an easy journey, but it was definately well worth it (:

i will definately miss being a bartender, miss working with my favourite people, miss working in the whole nyte life scene and miss serving those group of crazy regulars.

how do you noe if wurt ure having in ure life this very instant is gona last forever.
i am a pessimist when it comes to for-ever.
but at least i never gave up on it.

sometymes i tink im a contradiction to my believes/ my words.
sometymes i fear too much to show my true fragile heart and put it on the line.
sometymes i just have too much doubts.
sometymes i dun believe my own heart
than again,
there are the ones that show me life's more than that.
that even if those pessimestic thoughts exist, its still worth giving a shot
that nort every single person/events are gonna go wrong.
that pure relationship and true love exists
that i shd just learn to trust people.

i was rendered totally speechless with an embossed smile in my heart today.
i am so diggin it (:

love aint always smooth sailing; hurt, anger, tears. its when you want to be together despite it all, thats when you truly love each other.

what a life.

whie do blue skies never last? does kharma revolves around life?
what goes around comes around, but i guess its kinda fair if you take a step back to look.

; its almost tyme to bid farewell to my carefee life. it really marks the start of something new in soo many different ways. but working gives me a break from life, cox work will be sucking up all the tyme and energy. dan again, maybe its a good thing aint it?


you lay there beside me and just at that second we felt liek strangers, how in the world did this surface? my heart was coldly stabbed by this realization.
it might be my ranging emotional hormones, but no one will ever noe how painful that stab was.
;and than past memories comes hauting you, making you see kharma exists, and you realised that ure initial fear of agreeing on the venture wasnt just plain excuses and bullshit.
maybe its just meant to be this way, humans alwaes learn better the hard way. but i am sure i learnt it. i wan out now.

you noe this is love.

it sark so much being sick.
aching limbs, throbbing headaches,endless coughing and the fact that it feels hot all the tyme doesnt make anything better.
ive been surviving on bread porridge and water water and more water.

; but the sweetest thang pop by my crib with my favourite caeser salad. i swear hes the best salad maker ever! thank you baby, ure soo much love. ure the best medicine ever.

appreciate every single day of your life, even if its the usual routine, cox you'll neve noe when things will just make a turn; and those unappreciated norms will just be sth u yearn for so much.
humans are just creatures made to regret. hurhur. still, life goes on and we'll start sailing our boats again, lsing sight of the oh so familiar shore once again.

blue skies.

apart from the huge variety of cny goodies, red packets floating around the house and the immense amount of tangerines at home, the hype for cny this year definately wasnt as much as the previous years. maybe its because im older now or maybe ive been working all thru cny or maybe there was just too much going on in my mind. this mth is one with drastic ups and dwns; tearful nights, endless misunderstandings and disagreements. everything just felt so wrong and the lack of confidence is starting to surfice again.
well, i guess when the thing is within ure reach, you'll never find the need or drive to fight for it. right?
nonetheless, the suprise we both had at the end of the day was the sweetest, ever.
i have been smiling into blank space at the mere thought of it.
i am fucking happy.
;and i just hope that there'll alwaes be blue skies after any thunderstorm, cox this is by far the first few tymes im so sure of wurt i want.

i am proud that i am a better person now.
but i cant deny that there are tymes that im just too weak to stay firm to my beliefs.
i tink i have split personality sometymes. damn.

HATE.

its alwaes easy to say, but when you are placed in the situation, its almost impossible to act upon it liek how you've alwaes preached, liek hw you'd so proudly say its gona be liek this and its gorrta be liek that. but nonetheless, i believe it alwaes rewarding to do so(: just as to alwaes remember that love can be presented in many ways, nort just the way you think its suppossed to be, that it ought to be.

today i came across something a part of me wished i dint have to. but i guess it didnt matter anymore. of course it left its scar, and affected my life a whole lot. but point is, im still standing strong today and ive gort jt in my life now. but somehow, i cant deny that knowing the truth still hurts aleetle. but im glad theres kinda liek a full stop, a closure to all this drama that once messed up fucked up my life.
its nort about the process of my ultimate heartbreaking moment, nor isit about how much i regretted my choice. but its about how i changed my mind about happilyeverafters, how i just cannot put my heart on the line to believe in it again.
i hate you, fucker.

go figure.

i hate nort being able to appreciate certain things in life. they say you learn from experience, but whie am i still nort learning.i hate this part of me and i wish i could be better. well, the only way i could ever bring my head up and consol myself would be that no humans are perfect. but on the contrary, i'd really rather choose to be lacking in other ways dan this.
people might see the bitch in me, but frankly, i am suffering no less.

;and i am not near the verge of breaking down or wurtsoever, im just figuring out.

life.

yoghurt,yummy toppings plus the one holding the cup totally made my day(:
;and il never forget how the first yamiyoghurt outing started.
THANK YOU.

seeing 2 familiar faces today made my heart smile.
its so heartwarming to be able to see and talk to my gurls physically.
nothing beats having the ones you know that understands you inside out, beside you.
i am proud to say im starting to appreciate simpler things in life and im glad i do; when many out there might just be wishing so badly to be in ure position, leading ure so called monotonous life that you dun look forward to at all.

so kc, if ure reading this, embrace wurt you have now. its nort the end of the world. u noe you have many who cares about you(: dun regret how much tyme and opportunities you wasted becox of wurt happen. look forward in life. you noe how much i alwaes admire you. dun make me dissappointed. HAHA.

trust.

still, being skeptical about things are largely due to memories of hauting bad experiences. i just gortta take the risk and put my cents worth out there. i noe i should; but can i?
i wanna learn to trust.

on another note, s is back(: i smell awesomeee catch up tyme.



regardless of all the dramas that might be going on in the day, ure still the one i think of everynyte(:

easier said than done?

whie do humans always find it harder to look on the bright side?

kinship.

they say "other things may change, but we start and end with the family". i soo gorta agree to this and frankly, i cant imagine life without the 3 of them at home. as much as they drive me crazy to the extend that i wanna bang my head on the wall, i know i cant live without them; they are my major pillars of support.

heart.

this is my third attempt at blogging, i hope it stays. just so in case it doesnt, at least im done with this first post! dedicated to the ones closest to my heart.

having a thousand frens in life can neve be compared to having that ONLY one that you noe will have ure back anytyme. i am by far lucky to have met suchan awesome gurlfren and i thank gawd that even in the busiest tymes of our lives, we managed to meet up to bitch abouut everything under the sun(: i love you, and you noe who you are.

;and for you, thank you for making me realised that theres so much more to life; and for that, i seriously think im a better person now (:thank you for loving me, you have been awesome. and i promise il give my best baby.